ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
