why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
