I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
