But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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