In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
