If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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