see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
two words: eviction party
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
