No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
