Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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