I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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