I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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