There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
