he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
