I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
