At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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