I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
