no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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