Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
