I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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