You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
