woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize