I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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