Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
