if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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