and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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