I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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