dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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