i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
