I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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