how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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