I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think my vagina is haunted
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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