Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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