I wish my penis had an off switch
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
