I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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