me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
