You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
