***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
