HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
