We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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