I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize