Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
