Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
