I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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