My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm too high and old for this...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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