I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize