I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
