the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
