Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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