i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
