Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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