i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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