PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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