so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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