i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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