my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
