so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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