dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
