Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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