Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
