my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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