my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
