do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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