I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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