dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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