those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
