great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
