I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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