I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
