I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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