my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
