its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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