Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
