nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
