she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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