Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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